I had this exact problem, my topic is right below yours. I have a 4 month old red eared slider and he wouldnt eat at all. You said you dont want people to tell you about uv lighting, and tanks, and such, but don't buy the turtle if you dont want to hear it. Today I went out and got a 10 gallon tank for 15 dollars. <---Thats a good deal. I also went out and bought feeder fish (little guppies) and guess what? My turtle ate! FINALLY! It's the water tempature, you need a heater. I know you don't want to hear it, but its the truth. I wasn't able to get a heater, so I got a heat lamp. Sadly, the dummy at the store told me that the "intense basking bulb" wasn't really that intense and that he recommended it. However, it practically set my tank on fire, lol! So I have learnt to turn it on for 2-4 mins, turn it off, then 3 hours later, repeat. If you don't want to or cant buy a heat lamp and bulb, you can always order the water heater online, right? It's soo crazy, you situation is EXACTLY like mine. I have lost soo many hours of sleep since Saturday over Franklin's little "eating dissorder." And about the little bubbles and squeaks, it's hiccups. Mine gets then all the time!

Goodluck!
P.S. You kinda had an attitude and on this forum, we are one big family. Try being polite, it normally works.
